Fantasy football picks for Week 9

Dallas Morning News’ Ladd Biro makes his picks for Week 9 of the 2008 Fantasy Football season. Read his latest column by clicking here.

We are proud to announce Ladd Biro will be participating in the 2009 Texas Testosterone Festival. More details will be announced as we have them.

“E.T., probably”

Carl and Doug caught video of aliens over Austin. Since scoring the cash to pay the rent this month is going to be harder than anticipated, and we just watched “The Day the Earth Stood Still” again the other day, alien invasion sounds like a cool idea. Remember that tv show “V” from the 80’s where the aliens are lizards that eat mice? That would be cool.

Carl and Doug - if you guys start building a miniature mountain on your dining room table from modeling clay, can we come over to see it?

Gamecock fighting

The Austin-based videogame company Gamecock was only recently purchased by Southpeak Interactive. They’re no strangers to controversy it seems; some might say, the videogame company crew version of the  Jackass crew sans the homo-erotic overtones and toilet humor…but they’re working on the homo-erotic overtones.

 

“Anyway, just as the final award for the night was being given out to Bioshock for Game of the Year, the Gamecock guys rushed up on stage and hijacked the mic for some self promotion. So not only did they steal the limelight from the very deserving 2K Boston, but it threw off the pacing so that Ken Levine didn’t even get a chance to say anything (as he approached the microphone he was already being ushered off stage). Gamecock’s anti-establishment attitude can be cool at times, but this was a pretty dick move. (Update: Gamecock was cool enough to send out an apology note about this — they didn’t intend to disrupt Ken Levine’s recognition).”

Dance Like the Elephant Man

Men’s Health Magazine loves to torture us with articles like this one. Dancing, they say, is a great way to attract a mate… and, because it can’t be easy, dancing in a certain way is more effective than standing around with one hand in your pocket and one on your beer shifting weight from foot to foot - which is how we at the Texas Testosterone Festival dance for at least the first five or six beers (then we either start busting a move, start cursing out the DJ, or begin the process of passing out).

Oh, and for the ugliest of us, apparently there is hope - if we too can manage to hide our Joseph Merrick-like faces.

“For this study, Lovatt, who used to be a professional dancer, filmed 15 short video clips of himself performing different dance moves and blurred out his physical features so that only his movements were visible. Fifty-five women rated how masculine, dominant, and attractive each move was. “

Farts vs. Blood Pressure

Yahoo writes in their coloquial fashion whenever they have an article about farting, refusing to treat the natural process with the respect shown to its other biological subjects.  

“The unpleasant aroma of the gas, called hydrogen sulfide (H2S), can be a little too familiar, as it is expelled by bacteria living in the human colon and eventually makes its way, well, out. ”

We at the Texas Testosterone Festival, on the other hand, wish to show this under-regarded topic the respect it richly deserves. We also wish to explore the science further by using the hypothetical-deductive method. We begin this process by asking questions, such as…

What if our gas is made not of hydrogen sulfide but a more toxic mix of carbon dioxide and Manwich Sloppy Joe mix?

Is ‘pull my finger’ now a therapeutic massage technique?

If there is a direct relationship between flatulence and blood pressure, how in the world can I be so stressed?

Would you like a do-over on your fantasy football draft?

Hindsight is 20/20 and Dallas Morning News’ Ladd Biro takes on “what should have been” - a mid-season review of the draft picks that were duds and the late rounders you really really really wish you’d grabbed. Read Ladd’s latest column by clicking here.

We are proud to announce Ladd Biro will be participating in the 2009 Texas Testosterone Festival. More details will be announced as we have them.

But can they put out the fires standing up?

Dutch Ovens Have Purpose

Tribute to Joe Rogan’s Evan Tanner Tribute Beard

Huge props go out to Joe Rogan for not only growing but then talking about his Evan Tanner tribute beard. Evan Tanner is a former middleweight champion of the UFC from Amarillo who tragically passed away in the California desert a few weeks ago.

The UFC has always been loathe to take a moment to pay tribute to former UFC participants who have passed tragically. Heavyweight Gilbert Aldana passed away a couple years ago after a drowning accident while boating with his family. Seeing as Gilbert was only 0-1 in the UFC I can see how they would pass on the opportunity to give him a RIP moment.

Ryan Bennett is a former post-fight interviewer and founder of MMAWeekly, one of the first websites to cover MMA thoroughly in the wake of the “dark years” of UFC being off Indemand Pay-per-view. Ryan also hosted the first daily all-MMA radio show, that I’m aware of, and was a huge supporter of the sport. Ryan passed during a car accident on his way to covering an event in Las Vegas from his new home in Utah. Visit RyanBennett.org for more details on his tragic passing. Sad was Ryan’s passing (I still have mp3s of his final radio shows if anyone is interested) and sad was UFC’s decision to not pay tribute to a fallen former colleague.

For Tanner’s passing to go without some mention would be nearly unforgiveable. Rogan took time from the broadcast, seemingly without pre-planning on the part of UFC PPV producers, to say a few words about Evan. For those of us who cheered his stunning submission of Robbie Lawler or when he TKO’d David Terrell for the vacant middleweight championship, and those who were truly concerned when he suffered the highlight-reel KO slam from Tito Ortiz, those few words at the end of UFC 90 meant a lot.

Kudos Joe Rogan.

MSNBC has it in for your sperm

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