At Last, Chuck Norris May Run For President of Texas

Sorry to be late to the draw with this one guys, but we’ve been on vacation and just returned to hear the news we’ve been waiting for since Missing in Action 2 - Chuck Norris published his intent to possibly run for President… of Texas. Yeah, we know what you’re thinking. It sounds cool when you think he’s running for President but when you follow-through and he says …of Texas - it gets even cooler.

Chuck writes “I’m not saying that other states won’t muster the gumption to stand and secede, but Texas has the history to prove it.”

We here at the Texas Testosterone Festival would like to publicly support absolutely any efforts Mr. Norris may undertake to do anything. Both because we think he can accomplish anything he sets his mind (and fists) to but also we know Chuck would kick our ass if we don’t support him. 

We may be on the couch with a big bowl of popcorn and a beer, but we support him.

Ingrid Newkirk of PETA is a Nut, Michael Schumacher Fan

Ingrid Newkirk, founder of PETA, has posted her last will and testament on PETA’s website and her nuttiness has been confirmed. She is donating her body, not to science, where her nuttiness could be examined and discerned so as to prevent similar nuttiness in other nuts in the future. She is donating her body to PETA with some delicious suggestions such as

“That the “meat” of my body, or a portion thereof, be used for a human barbecue…”
“That my skin, or a portion thereof, be removed and made into leather products, such as purses… and that some skin be tacked up outside the Indian Leather Fair each year…”
“my feet be removed and umbrella stands or other ornamentation be made from them…”
“That a little part of my heart be buried near the racetrack at Hockenheim, preferably near the Ferrari pits, where Michael Shumacher raced in and won the German Grand Prix.”

For the entire list, which includes destinations for her thumbs, liver, eyeballs, ears, and other parts, please grab a beer and a bowl of buffalo wings and visit PETA’s official website for the entire document.

Texas Microbreweries Want to Legalize Selling their Beer

We’ve been fans of the I Love Beer blog for a number of months now and we’re thankful to them for keeping up with what’s going on between the Texas microbreweries and the state government in their attempts to legalize selling beer at the site of their breweries. Check out their posts for the details but if you keep your eyes peeled for legislative bill HB 2094, be prepared to have a few more choices where to go to drink your beer.

Mmmmm… beer.

Footballguys.com new Podcast Discusses Latest NFL News

March Madness? Bah. The tall guys win.

What’s happening in the NFL offseason? That’s what we’re on the edge of our seat for. Sigmund Bloom and Cecil Lammey of Footballguys.com break down all the latest during their Audible Podcast.

Jumping off the Tallest Building in the World

We all may feel like jumping out of a window every once in a while, but these guys do it with the intention of standing up and doing it again. Not sure which scenario is crazier.

Check out the video of this Frenchie and a Brit jumping off the Burj Dubai building in Saudi Arabia and making their getaway before the cops could catch up to them.

Malik Hairston Returns to Rescue Toros

The Austin Toros were returned guard Malik Hairston yesterday from the San Antonio Spurs to rescue them from a disastrous and long road-trip that has them 2-6 in the month of March and put the cowardly Colorado 14ers 3 games ahead of the Toros in first place.  Only eight games remain in the regular season, five against sub-.500 teams and five at home.

Hairston appeared in 15 games for the Spurs and was an important contributor to an injury-plagued stretch for the Spurs. The question will be whether Hairston replaced new signee DeMarcus Wilson or struggling Ezra Williams in the starting lineup.

Austin Bats are Back - now that the SXSW hippies are gone

We just think it’s cool to stand on the bridge and pretend we’re Christian Bale’s stunt-double in the Dark Knight. 

Info here.

Map here.

Women like to say a lot of things

“In fact, women talk almost three times as much as men, with the average woman chalking up 20,000 words in a day - 13,000 more than the average man.”

I’m convinced that the reason women win most arguments is quantity of what’s spoken rather than quality of what’s spoken. How ’bout it, guys?

UFC Videogame might not happen?…

“WatchKalibRun reports that THQ, the publisher of UFC 2009 Undisputed, is in serious financial straits, which could affect the fate of the hotly-anticipated video game.”–cagepotato.com

It looks like the videogame industry isn’t immune to the current financial woes affecting the rest of the country. Here’s hoping that they can pull it together for this release. It looks pretty damn cool to me. The only noticeable likenesses missing are Randy Couture and Rachelle Leah, but the game does have a robust fighter-creator toolkit, so creating your favorite ring girls and, ah-hm, enhancing them how you’d like won’t be a problem. For the record, Rachelle (if you’re reading this), I don’t think you need any enhancing. Don’t ever change. Stay just the way you are.

Sleep-walking and Zzz-mailing

“Doctors have reported the first ever case of someone using the internet while asleep, after a sleeping woman sent emails to people asking them over for drinks and caviar.”–Telegraph.co.uk

Also, people have been acquitted of murder, using the defense that they were asleep when they stabbed the person to death. Sleep-murdering? Sleep-killing? I wonder if there’s been a case of sleep-sleeping? I often dream about sleeping when I’m sleeping. And people who’ve seen me sleep say that I never get up and walk around in a daze. I just lay there with my eyes closed, seemingly oblivious to the world around me.

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