We Ate the Onions and Yes, We Cried

Former Tamale Eating World Record Holder Levi Oliver and The Texas Testosterone Festival spent a recent Saturday eating raw onion and talking about the experience both to determine the tear-fulness of each onion type as well as to learn a little about the process of training for competitive eating in general.

Two videos were created. We share them here. Please distribute them at will.

A reminder: Come See Grown Men Cry is a competitive eating event to be held at Bikinis Bar and Grill on IH-35 in Austin Sunday, August 9 at 3:00 PM. If you are interested in competing, stop by Bikinis Austin, San Marcos, or the new San Antonio location and consume Bikinis’ Big Buckin’ Burger to qualify.

Tickets to The Testosterone Festival are on sale now

The wait is nearly over. Stepping on the moon was one small step for MAN but The Texas Testosterone Festival is one giant leap for MANKIND. Buy your advance tickets right now and buy a bunch. They’re only $6 (plus $1.14 service charge) - CHEAP! Click here to buy with your credit card.

Day-of tickets will be $9. Compare that to the $6 advance price and it’s… something like 50% more expensive or something.

Besides, we won’t have enough singles to give you change during The Festival so it’s better you buy them in advance.

Forward this URL to more than 50 people and a picture of a naked woman will appear on your screen. (We won’t send it . We just know you’re probably surfing the same websites we are.)

And tickets for the INBF / WNBF Texas Fit Model Search are on sale as well. Click here to purchase them online. The Fit Model Search happens on the Testosterone Festival Featured Event Stage Saturday, August 15 at 7:00 PM and are $20 plus a $0.99 service charge. There is limited seating for this event so get your tickets now!

Toros Hire Super Hot Chick to Coach Cheerleaders

k2tbi3v87q The Austin Toros made one of their most impressive hires of recent memory by hiring former San Antonio Spurs’ Silver Dancer Monica Aguilar, who is super hot, to coach and choreograph for the team’s Capital City Dance team, who are also generally mega-hot. Monica is an Austin native, spent the last two seasons as the hot Siver Dancer’s hottie team captain, and she teaches dance at fitness clubs, which is hot.

Hot chicks who want to work with this hot chick should work on getting hotter between now and September when the Toros host tryouts for hot chicks to become Capital City Dancers for the 2009-2010 season. Cool.

DWI Defense Guru on… Getting Pulled Over

DWI Defense Guru the DWIDude.com (Jamie Balagia) answers some of our questions about how we can judge our level of intoxication without the fancy equipment, what happens when we get pulled over, and what our good buddies the cops are looking for when they pull us over. We drink responsibly when we’re out and we’re planning on driving but we have put DWIDude.com’s phone number in our car and our cell phone anyway. (512) 278-0935

1.How do I know if my blood alcohol level is at or above .08?

DWIDude.com:One way is to go to our website and on the left hand side of the Home Page is a BAC calculator.  The instructions are on the page that you will be taken to once you click on the link.  This is a rudimentary calculation like the police and prosecutors use but it is a close approximation.  For a much better predictor you would have to do a drinking simulation at my office while we drew blood and took breath samples at the same time.  Even then there are deviations that would apply to give a different result than your true BAC.  Not much of answer is it?  That’s because every individual changes in their absorption and elimination factors over a single drinking period and from one drinking period to the next.

A safe estimation is to figure that a “normal”  160 pound male absorbs about 0.020 per 12 ounce beer (Bud, Miller, Coors) and eliminates about 0.015 per hour.  So after drinking one beer per hour an increase in BAC of 0.005 would occur since you are absorbing and eliminating at the same time.  If you increase the amount absorbed then the BAC would be higher since usually the elimination rate stays constant.  (Except that in heavy alcohol dosing situations without eating or an extreme alcoholic person at a high level of intoxication can cause the liver to excrete an enzyme that supercharges the elimination rate.)  A simple example is if you drink three beers per hour (0.06 per hour) for three hours (0.06 x 3 = 0.18) and you eliminate the 0.015 over the three hours (0.015 x 3 = 0.045) you would be at a 0.135 (0.18 - 0.045 = 0.135) and you are going to jail!

2.What are my rights if I am pulled over by the DWI COPS?

DWIDude.com: You have the right to remain silent. Be polite but invoke your right to remain silent, you don’t have to answer any questions.

You have the right to refuse the SFST’s (Standardized Field Sobriety Tests)- the walk and turn, the one leg stand, and the HGN (eye test). You have the right to refuse the breath test! Don’t blow in any machines. You should have the right to leave unless they tell you are under arrest or being detained and then you should insist on having me there as your right to an attorney attached in that circumstance.

3. Why should I refuse the breath test?

DWIDude.com: A - You are already under arrest if you are being asked to blow into the Intoxilyzer 5000.  They do not “un-arrest” you if you blow under a .08

B - How do you know if the reading on the machine you are blowing into is accurate?  Is it error proof? Is it calibrated correctly, is the operator using the machine correctly?  Is the machine detecting other things in your body besides alcohol that is contributing to the “alcohol” reading (yeast, ketones, other interferents, etc.– see the “Intoxilyzer 5000″ section of our website for other factors that may affect a breath test read out).

C - The State gets a “free” expert witness at trial and you may have to hire your own expert at your expense to counter his “bad science”.

4. What are the cops looking for to indicate a person is driving while intoxicated?

DWIDude.com: During the VIM (vehicle in motion) portion of the investigation the officer is watching the vehicle for certain clues to investigate further. The list of clues, or cues, as originally published by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) is as follows:

Turning with a wide radius
Straddling the center or lane marker line
Appearing to be drunk
Almost striking an object or vehicle
Weaving
Driving on other than designated roadway
Swerving
Slow speed (driving 10 mph or more UNDER the speed limit)
Stopping, without cause, in the traffic lane
Following too closely
Drifting
Tires on center or lane marker
Braking erratically
Driving into opposing or crossing traffic
Signaling inconsistent with driving actions
Slow response to traffic signs
Stopping inappropriately (other than in traffic lane)

You will notice that “speeding” is not one of the listed cues, nor is defective tail lights or license plate lights. In other words, many DWI investigations begin with non-DWI traffic stops.  The DWI investigation then begins due to issues that begin during the Personal Contact phase of the stop. (see the FAQ page of our website to learn what the cops have been trained to look for during phase 2 and phase 3). Our office has enjoyed great success in DWI trials during cross examination by showing that there were no “drunk driving” facts in the case. Many officers have spread the word that it is better to follow the potential “DWI victim” for some distance in order to observe traffic violations that are on the list.  This allows the testifying officer to beef up the probable cause to make and support the actual DWI arrest. Think of thousands of traffic violations that occur each and every day in your city. Add in the odor of an alcoholic beverage and you have the average “Drunk Driving” arrest.

Turfcats Come From Behind to Beat Hurricanes

Whoever bought the Texas Pirates mid-season and turned them into the Texas Hurricanes must have spent the first half of Saturday’s game checking to make sure the same team on the field was the one he’d paid for. The Hurricanes ran up a 20-0 lead in the first quarter and looked to be the fresher team on the field.

However, the Turfcats roared back in the second and fourth quarters behind solid defense and great special team play to ultimately win 41-34.  This was the Turfcats last remaining home game of the season but three road games remain before the playoffs, two against this now imposing Hurricanes team.

The Turfcats next take on the Acadiana Mudbugs on Monday night in a battle for second place in the Southern Indoor Football League.

CTC Austin Hosts Muay Thai Talent Search Saturday

The massive Competitive Training Center in North Austin will host a Muay Thai exhibition for aspiring fighters beginning at 11 AM on Saturday June 27.

Looking to see some real-life butt-whooping on a Saturday morning? Head to the spaghetti junction of 183 / 360 / Mopac to the CTC center on the northbound service drive of 183, just north of Burnet.  Look for the sign with the Miletich Fighting Systems logo on it. See you there!

Darrill Schoonover Rumored for TUF 10

While Kimbo Slice and a handful of former NFLers are getting the attention, Texas’ own Darrill Schoonover is the one we’re most excited to see in action. Boasting a 10-0 record with wins over some of the region’s best Heavyweights over the past two years, Schoonover will take a solid resume of victories up against an internet sensation and NFLers without a Superbowl ring among them.

Here is footage of Schoonover taking on Justin Howard from Austin.

Another versus Jacob Hart

Our coverage of Darrill Schoonover previously.

If you find more online footage of Schoonover please post links below.

Turfcats can’t hold back Swashbucklers

The Austin Turfcats played an odd weeknight matchup against the Louisiana Swashbucklers tonight but couldn’t keep the home team off the scoreboard. The Swashbucklers beat the Turfcats 60-47.

The Turfcats will have to lick their wounds and return to the field with just 5 days rest. They play the final home game of the season this Saturday against the Texas Pirates at 6:30. The Turfcats will look to run the table on their last three games of the season for the chance to rematch the Swashbucklers in the post-season.

Today is National Man Day

Here is where you go to sign up. To be clear, National Man Day is very different from the Texas Testosterone Festival. National Man Day lasts only one day and is occurring when most of us have to be at work. And how manly is that. The Texas Testosterone Festival is two full days of manly activities.

Hoo-ah.

The Texas Testosterone Festival endorses National Man Day and encourages all men to participate.

Tickets to The Festival make the Best Father’s Day Present

We’ve done the research and the evidence is overwhelming… the best Father’s Day present possible is tickets to The Texas Testosterone Festival. Tickets go on sale Father’s Day - this Sunday, June 21.

Buy tickets online by clicking here and show the printed receipt to Dad - if he doesn’t begin weeping with joy we’ll be shocked. If he does, pull out the camera and record it. We’ll put it on the website. We have the technology, and we have the popcorn.

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