Arrest of Texas Gardener Means Your Glaucoma Will Just Have to Suck

KEYEtv.com reports the hippest dude and greenest thumb in Taylor has been arrested and will no longer be able to assist you with that really nasty glaucoma you suffer with, particularly on Fridays, Saturdays, and after particularly bad days at work.

Taylor snack shops are bracing for the anticipated downturn in chip, pretzel, candy bar, and Mountain Dew sales. Particularly worrying are sales of odd, whim-inspired snacks that only seem to be consumed by glaucoma sufferers. Examples would be Funyuns, Bugles, and flavors of Doritos being currently “test-marketed” in Texas.